Conquered, Conqueror.

“Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.” Romans 8:37

Sometimes, in life, I feel defeated – like each day becomes a battle that I just don’t have the energy to fight. With each new stressor, disappointment, or mistake, my life feels conquered. I forget how through Him I can conquer all. Through Him, I can refuse to be conquered.

I shared with a friend recently about a struggle that I had and how I felt ultimately defeated. She told me that while the enemy comes to kill and destroy, God will raise us up because He loves us and wants what is best for us. At times, this is hard to believe. I want to believe I can conquer all through Him, but sometimes, I’m just tired. And weak. And broken.

For this I pray:

Lord, give me the strength and courage to know that through all things, I can be more than a conqueror because of your love for me. Help me to understand you more even when I do not understand your plan for my life. Help me to walk by faith and have the confidence to face each day with a renewed sense of vigor. I thank you for all you have done, are doing and will do in the days to come. You are my strength.

Golden Birthday.

Quarter of a century. One-third of a life expectancy. On this glorious day known as my golden birthday, I turn the ripe old age of twenty-five (25). Thus far, the life I have lived has been grand, but I know that I still have so much to do.

Thanks to everyone who sent birthday greetings on Facebook and Myspace. Thank you for all who will help me celebrate this momentous time. Thank you for everything.

In my family, we have a tradition of a hostess goodies cake in the morning (made up of twinkies, cupcakes, suzy q’s and other goodies) – the one rule – they must be in the morning and it must be HOSTESS. At midnight this morning, I awoke to a fireball next to my head as my husband sang a rousing version of “Happy Birthday.” Luckily, I got to sleep a few more hours.

Jim has started a tradition since my 21st birthday doing past, present and future gifts. One week ago, Jim laid out six wonderful gifts that I had the opportunity to shake and guess.

At midnight, I received the first gift, this time, “Just Because.” It was a DVD I had been wanting, but never put on my list!!!

When I rewoke up at 6 am, I decided to go for it and open all of my gifts.

First, the past. There was a little tag on it that said "Open After" I opened the box and it was foot wash stuff. I also got the Office season 3 (W00t!). I opened the tag and it directed me to find something in the room, I looked and found another card which entitles me to one pedicure by Jim!

Now, to the present, which also had an "open after" tag. It was foot insoles!!! ICK. But the tag directed me to another card that entitles me to two pairs of shoes, my choice from anywhere but Payless!

The final two gifts were future and this time, the tag said "open before." It said a riddle like "Russian china dolls that go from large, to medium, to small, look in my closet for the best gift of all." I wasn't expecting anything else because I already had the six gifts in front of me. SO, I took this bigger gift out and was like WHOA! Jim started grinning. I opened the two smaller future gifts first and what was inside?

A Wii CONTROLLER AND GAME....

Therefore, in the big box, he had bought me the Wii GAMING SYSTEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so excited !!!!!!

About me.

Sharon tagged me to write seven things about myself, preferably unknown. I do not have many people to tag so since Bethany and Erik haven't done this, I TAG THE TWO OF YOU!

1. I went to an NSYNC concert my senior year of high school...and loved it!

2. I used to work for a firm with the tagline, "Life's Short. Get a Divorce."

3. I kissed my husband before he was my boyfriend. (If you are young and reading this, do not do this)

4. I secretly peek at my Christmas presents every year, if I know where to find them.

5. I once drove my car into a ditch...on accident.

6. I played the tuba, trombone and euphonia [sic?] in junior high band.

7. I once tried to acquire the most friends on Facebook by "stealing" other people's friends.

Musically Challenged.

Screamo. Emo. Grunge. Pop. Rock. R&B. Rap. Easy Listening. Christian. Rock n Roll. Heavy Metal. Ska. Punk. I participated in a rather heated discussion about music and celebrities. My point was as follows: Although there is quite a variety of music out there, the fact that you can listen to that music does not necessarily make it music or mean that that type of music requires a high degree of talent.

For example. I thoroughly enjoy “music” from boy bands. However, I would agree that the music is not talented and requires little to no skill. That does not change the fact that I like that type of “music.”

Another example. I began attacking people who sing badly or scream. I stated that the “music” was bad. This person then proceeded to tell me that the person is merely “vocalitizing” which takes skill to which I respectfully and strongly disagree. He then stated that the music is really the speed and sound of the guitar and drums and that is talented. Again, while it may be music, it may not be filled with talent. My next point was this: consider ozzy osbourne and his band, Black Sabbath. Ozzy Osbourne’s “vocalitizing” stinks and requires no skill. His “band” may be musical and even slightly talented, but most people don’t even know their names. They know Ozzy, the terrible singer. Case closed.

In the end, music will be popular and considered important if someone thinks it is. If I sing on a Sunday morning and sell a million records, it doesn’t mean that I am “talented.” Two cases: Britney Spears and Avril Lavigne. Case closed again.

I also think that it’s always nice to have a healthy discussion including ad hominem attacks about how I am stupid – a clear sign that a person has run out of something intelligent to contribute.

Church Equality.

A few months ago, Jim and I pondered the idea of a woman on the deacon board. We wondered why no woman had ever been nominated and what the circumstances were. P. Erik delved into the matter and spoke with the business administrator regarding this issue. The qualifications to be nominated for the church board are as follows:

1. Member for at least a year
2. In good standing
a. Tithe
b. Attendance
c. Ministry participation

Finally, but certainly not least…

3. NOT A WOMAN.

I am struck by this as I consider women in the Bible. Esther and Ruth, who knew the heart of God and recognized their role. I understand the idea that men should be the spiritual heads of the home, but whoever said that this was the same that should be required of the church?

In my devotional today, the author addresses the story of Priscilla and Aquila who traveled the world as tent makers and followers of Christ. An interesting note is made: in the Bible, Priscilla is mentioned first just as often as Aquila. Thus, leading the author to believe, that God consider them equal partners, followers, and leaders in Christ.

Furthermore, the Bible specifically mentions the deaconess, Phoebe. With all this Biblical truth, I still wonder why the church hasn’t taken a more active role forward. I plan on bringing this timely issue up at the next meeting. Oh, and by the way, we can vote now.

Cooking with Sam.

For those of you who may not know, I have had the pleasure of being a nanny for the past two and a half years to a little boy named Sam. One day per week, I travel towards Rosemont with Jim and then watch the little guy for the whole day, while his mum and dad work (his dad is British, hence the mum).

He was born on March 11th and I started watching him when he was only about three months old. He makes me laugh and started early on calling me “mantha,” which is what my niece and nephews call me.

He knows words like weed whacker, lawnmower, crane, bulldozer, and phoebe (his cat). We attend a cooking class once per week together, where he eats most things, while I “design” them. We’ve had our fair share of funny looks when I tell people that my name is Sam and so is his. (They seem to think I’m his mom.) I even had someone say how “trendy” it was to name a son after the mother. How nice. Ultimately, I’m flattered, as one woman put it, “You take such good care of him, like a mother. I would never have thought otherwise.”

We take occasionally trips to target to look at “Vaccies” and try on funny hats. I also found out that he will be a big brother sometime in June (a blessing considering that his mom experienced a miscarriage late last year). I love him and spending time with him and would hope that for the short time I am in his life that he will always remember me, his Mantha.

Communion, Community.

Entering a first Fall Retreat, I expected nothing. With open eyes and an open heart, I had hoped to see the youth find a new avenue to Christ and feel like they were finally getting closer to Him. I expected nothing for my own spiritual development, but instead received more than I thought I would.

The goal of my weekend was to continue to build relationships with my junior high girls and perhaps begin and develop relationships with other students. Samantha P. and I had two rooms of junior highers and only later told Erik and Bethany that we ordered pizza and all slept in the same room!!! (a total of 8 people, how I ended up on the floor, I’ll never know). Shout out to Kaitlyn, Heather C., Laura, Emily, Gianna, and Amber. We had laughs and fun and wouldn’t trade cramming our rooms together for anything!! I also had the opportunity to see other girls connect with their older leaders: Val, Jacqui, Anna, Heather J., Rebecca, and Amy with Heidi and Joyce (ask Joyce about Val’s phone calls).

I also spent more time with some Senior girls (kudos to you for venturing on the bus) and began to mingle with the older students. (Mario P. actually admits that he thinks I’m “alright” – I’ll take that as code for cool). He led our team to victory in the Corn Maze!!! (Yay for Aldo, Jim, Me, Mario, Cody, Rebecca, Mike, Paul, Paul, Isaac) and how his sister single handedly lost P. Erik’s group in the maze (just kidding!).

Saturday was incredibly spiritual for me. I healed a relationship with someone and thankfully, I owe this to her obedience. I had that moment where God said, “do this” and I actually hesitated (why did I do that?) As a result, God said, “fine, do it your way, but then I’m sending her to you.” And he did, and I’m thankful.

Fall Retreat was a first for everyone and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I never expected to get so much out of a weekend geared towards the youth – I can only hope this is the beginning of something wonderful…

Confidence, Inner Peace.

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:6-7 (NKJV)

In this journey, I have been in tune with each and every thing that God has asked me to do. While restoring relationships, I turned to a relationship in my life that seems utterly broken. With an anniversary of 10 years approaching and my bitterness for the situation only growing, I decided to give it to God. I always knew in the back of my mind that my sixty days would culminate in this way, but tried to convince myself otherwise.

God’s request was simple: talk to him. (I finally knew this was what God would have me do when Marisa mentioned that perhaps it “wouldn’t be a bad idea.”) I sent an email requesting a meeting and to my surprise (and somewhat chagrin), he agreed. I’ve gone over in my head ten thousand times, just what I would say to him, not caring about the outcome. I’m reminded of the story of Esther and how God has chosen me for this time, for such a time as this.

I don’t know what will happen once I take this leap of faith, but I know this is God’s will – the direction He’s asked me to take. It’s scary and exciting all in one breath, but I can’t quite put my finger on what makes this so phenomenal. His path has led me here and I’m hoping my inner peace about the situation will give me confidence.

Lord, you know the situation and you’ve set things into motion, long before you chose to use me. Help me to find the right words and emotions to relate to him. Help me to have an inner peace about the situation, whether or not the outcome is one that I expect. Thank you.

Confidence, Rewarded.

If you haven’t been reading my blog, then you probably don’t know that I am on a sixty day journey to and with God. In reading my devotional today, the following verses struck me:

Do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord, no matter what happens. Remember the great reward it brings you! Patient endurance is what you need now, so you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised. (Hebrews 10:35-36 NLT)

No matter what happens in life, our trust and hope in Him remains constant. In recent weeks, I have dealt with many unanswered questions and truly wondered if God was still participating with me on this journey. I realized that my job was to keep the faith and hold out trust that God truly has my best interests at heart and He wants nothing more than for me to do His will. I’m learning daily how to do that.

Thank you, Lord, for the times spent reading your word. Thank you for your words of loving kindness. For all that you have done and are about to do.

Train Frustration.

Every morning, Jim has the unlucky job of dropping me off at the train station. I am thankful that I do not have to walk to the station or even ride a bike. I am also thankful that I do not have to park or pay to park at the station. I am not thankful, however, for the overwhelming hassle that comes with being a Metra rider.

Don’t get me wrong – I dealt with some of this when riding the CTA in Oak Park or Chicago, but nothing compares to the riders on Metra trains and the sense of entitlement that some riders seem to think they have.

After grabbing my Starbucks this morning (I had a gift card), I began walking towards the front of the train. The train came to a halt (I should have taken my usual one) and I began to make my ascent! I reached the top tier – only to find that I was stuck choosing one of the pull down seats – not a problem, I pressed forward. A “kind” woman in front of me realized “Oops!” there were no individual seats left, so she turned around – saw that I was halfway down the aisle and huffed to the farthest seat. Clearly, her intent had been to go back down to the first tier, but I had gotten in her way! (Perhaps she should have viewed the top tier from the bottom tier, but who’s using their brain…)

I settled into my seat, opened my book and began my commute to Chicago. When I take the earlier train, I usually head straight to the top tier, grab the first seat and have no problem. However, as we near Union Station, inevitably, someone just has to get to work. My solution? Leave earlier if your tasks are that urgent. As a result, they usually got onto the train in one of the later stops and they proceed to the top tier to be secluded. They then head all the way to the end and take a seat (for which there is only one exit, on the other end, where I am strategically seated). Five full minutes before the train enters the station, these people are ready and raring to go! They jump out of their seats, plow down the aisle, and proceed to stand (practically on top of me) as they wait for the crowd to begin filing out. (Keep in mind, we still have five minutes to go!) They block my way, so that the seat that was originally chosen for strategic purposes has now become a burden. My response: once the train has ceased movement, I jump up and push my way through! It’s survival of the fittest, I tell you! All of this happens only on my way to work. I then walk one mile towards my job to “cool off.” Perhaps, when I’m not so utterly exhausted, I’ll tell of my journeys home.

Cable.

Jim got cable because we absolutely could not miss any baseball playoff games.


GO CUBS!!!!!