Struggles.

Have you ever been at a point of desperation in your life? At a point, when you just want something to give way, but it seems like everything is battling against you? You're suffocating under the weight of life's burdens.

I've been there recently - something has to give, break through and I'm not sure how much longer I can keep trudging along in this direction. Is freedom just through the trees, just steps away? Or have I been heading in the wrong direction all along?

As a human being on the swirling planet, I find myself craving just ONE other person who's exactly where I'm at - who knows exactly what I'm going through, what I'm dealing with. Who knows what it's like to feel this way. I think that's why we struggle so much - because no one is just like us, no one knows just what we are dealing with - they just don't get it.

Not for lack of sympathy, but they lack empathy - the ability to know how we feel and justify how we're feeling about life. Why is it so hard to hear advice and suggestions from someone who hasn't been there?

Why do we weigh and measure our burdens against each other? Let's see who is suffering more today. There will always be someone worse off than you, but we only seem to see those ahead of us. Why is that?

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and the courage to face my weaknesses. Help me to realize that there is no other person on this earth who knows where I've been or where I'm going, but you do. Help me to fully and wholly place my trust in you when I feel at my lowest point, but also when I'm soaring with the eagles. I need Your help.

What do you get...

when you have an afternoon with one mom, one youth leader, one senior high girl, two minivans, and TEN junior high girls?!

A crazy time that you're often scared to repeat.

After making mounds of pasta and red sauce, 2 loaves of garlic bread, a few trays of ice, and one burned hand later, the girls settled down for "skit" time. While we finally landed on "Betty Punctuation," we had fun doing imitations of couples within the church (Mollie & Heather did a spot-on impersonation of P.Erik&Bethany). We were tempted to play a 100-year old version of Mall Madness and we had the Cubs and Sox games on dueling televisions.

We thought about playing Mafia, Hide n Go Seek, Truth or Dare, and the like. They also spent time "discussing" the numerous options for menfolk in the youth group (we don't tell!) Mollie and Bethany led us in some cheers and the girls helped make an appetizer for that night.

Nobody cried, at least I don't think so - nobody got too angry with one another and all in all it was an interesting time had by all...

I'm just hoping I didn't scare Christina C. away...actually, I'm hoping THEY didn't scare her away...

JUST KIDDING, girls!

Messy.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.”
- Nelson Mandela

We all struggle with this – the ability to reach our full and real potential. I have been reading an amazing book that I got at the Youth Leaders Conference – “Messy Spirituality” by michael yaconelli. The entire concept, in a nutshell, is how we as Christians lead messy live, but that doesn’t make us less in God’s eyes. Obviously, I have shrunk this book down to one sentence and I would encourage you to read it for yourself.

As human beings, we’re like that – we cling to darkness because everyone else is in the darkness with us and no one can see our flaws. When we move to lightness, we are exposed for who we are and others around us can see that – that is what scares us.

I don’t typically talk about my “feelings” or express myself. Instead, I let the emotions simmer inside of me until the proverbial pot just boils over. I struggle daily to share myself, not only with those around me, but with myself and with God.

On this day, I encourage you to reach for the sun, the moon and the stars that they might bring you into the light. Let’s stop asking God, “Why me? Why now?” rather “Why not me? When?”

I will not be twittered...

so instead, I thought I'd generically "twitter" my life for one day. Here goes nothing...

6:19 a.m. crack open my eyes to see the blazing sun and then realize I must awaken.

6:31 a.m. walk to the computer that takes 30 min to load so i can do this.

[note: since I cannot do this via txt, the updates will not be nearly as often, my apologies]

7:19 a.m. say goodbye to jim and ask him the exact time so that I can "twitter" about it.

[note: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Katie! I forgot to "twitter" the exact time I myspaced you, so now I can't remember!]

7:33 a.m. wrote Happy, Happy, Happy Birthday on Katie's facebook wall. who reads that anyway?

8:07 a.m. stroll into work and do the morning ritual: door, alarm, phones, blinds, tape.

11:34 a.m. drafted requests to produce on one of our biggest cases.

12:22 p.m. headed out the door to grab some lunch and get some air.

1:36 p.m. conducted a people search on one of my long lost uncles.

5:34 p.m. eating dinner with the hubby - $5 foot long subs! w00t, w00t!

8:04 p.m. Watching the office and the group talking about social networking on the dunder mifflin site. Wonder if they twitter…probably not.

8:59 p.m. interview with cousin for a school project she's doing about my job.

9:37 p.m. just watched ben allow his "daughter" get blown away on Lost. i'm mad!!

10:07 p.m. laying my head down for sleep. Lost, in short, amazing.

Grilleration.

Last week, Jim busted out our grill. Although it is on its last legs, the grill serves an awesome purpose.

Here's what we've grilled so far:

Corn on the Cob
Chicken Breasts
Mesquite chicken with cheddar cheese and smoked turkey bacon (on the grill)
Homemade Sirloin Turkey Burgers
Homemade Hamburgers
Bacon

Any suggestions for widening our grilling capabilities?

Friends are Friends Forever...

I had the opportunity to talk to two of my favorite friends last night. I went to dinner with one of them and then called another after I was done. They both minister to me in different ways and I appreciate their honesty and humor.

In this big old ball of life, it's nice to know that there are people who are on the sidelines cheering you on and who at times help to carry you over the finish line.

I've been in a funk lately. I've taken a trip to Negative Town and can't seem to get off the train. Jim gave me some great advice, "Samantha, what if you're walking through a thick forest and freedom is just through the trees, just a few steps away? If you stop now, you'll never get out; but perhaps if you just keep walking you're actually almost there."

Something's gotta give. I know too many people in my life that are just waiting for the big release, the big break. My prayer today is that our big break is coming and that we have the courage to just keep walking.

Today, I choose to step off that train. in faith. and with Him.

100th Anniversary.

Since this marks my 101st post, that means I have written 100 blog entries!! Because of that, I thought I'd list 100 things about me!

Christian;
Soon-to-be attorney;
Bar passer (as in Bar Exam);
Wife to Jim;
Daughter to Julie and Randy;
Sister to David and Dan;
Sister-in-law to Marisa, Jessica, Laura, Sarah, and Sara;
Aunt to Kaeli, Holly, David, Elizabeth, Jonathan and Malachi;
Cousin to many;
Youth Leader;
Funny (in my opinion);
Chris Farley fan (God rest his soul);
LOVER of the Office;
Recent recruit to LOST;
Messy;
Driver of the yellow/green/who knows what color? car;
Twenty-Five;
Exercise Hater;
Part-time Decorator;
Usually happy;
Hair chameleon;
Biggest Loser watcher;
Chris Daughtry supporter;
Sometimes cook;
Classmate of Dwayne Wade (plays for the Miami Heat).

Master reciper;
Cubs afficionado;
Member of Myspace;
Facebooker;
Adventurous;
Big Foot;
Blahger;
Mathletic;
Argumentative (in a good way);
Generous;
Daughter-in-law to Kathleen and Jim;
Former waitress;
Used to be chef;
Weight watcher;
Cell phone junkie;
Expert texter;
Enthusiastic scrapper;
Dancing machine;
Magazine hoarder;
Martha Stewart's clone;
Bargain hunter;
Clearance Queen;
Garagesaleaholic;
Party hostess;
Tired.

Finley Junior High graduate;
H.L. Richards graduate;
Olivet graduate;
Loyola U Law School graduate;
Teacher's pet;
Troublemaker;
Class clown;
Nerd;
Short and sweet;
Reality TV watcher;
Smarter than a 5th grader (mostly);
Sentimental;
Consequential;
Environmental (or at least I try to be);
Spiritual;
Coupon Cutter;
Long-distance friend;
Easily discouraged;
Self-deprecating;
Pity Partier;
Low-self esteemer;
Wallower;
Feel sorry for myself too often;
Honest;
Open.

I am...
Ready for a Change.
Ready for the Future.
Looking for the Answer.
Looking for His Way.
Scared of moving forward.
Scared of finding failure.
Nervous for His Plan.
Anxious for its Arrival.
Tired of being sad.
Exhausted.
Happy with my blessings.
Trying to be satisfied.
Waiting for a breakthrough.
Hoping for a change.
Striving to build bridges.
Reconciling relationships.
Moving towards His Love.
Basking in His Grace.
Angry.
Hoping,
Waiting,
Praying,
Wanting,
Being.

The Office.

I. love. the. office.

Jim Halpert - you amaze me. How sweet when he pulled out the ring and said he had bought it after only one week of dating her!! It melts my heart! I love a little bit of romance in the comedy...

Ahh...the laughs never stop coming...

Time for a change...

Throughout my entire life, I’ve always gone back and forth with my hair. I’ve had it almost every color of the rainbow – dyed, highlighted, lowlighted. I have had it long, chopped it off, got the expensive cut, got a trim, had bangs, no banged it, worn it up, worn it down and these changes seem to come at times in my life when I am just itching for something different.

When my hair begins to get longer and I can finally do something with it, I usually do nothing with it except throw it up into a ponytail or jumbled bun mess. My thoughts are: if I’m not going to bother to do anything with it, why do I have it long? And then I go through this personal debate about what to do with my hair.

I want some advice. I’m nearing that point where my hair’s growing out...any suggestions? Should I take the plunge and chop it? What do you suggest?

Happy Birthday, Kristine!

April 11, 19--. Kristine Nicole S. was born (I did not use your last name because this is the internet and people can find you – at least according to Aldo!).

You are a loved friend and confidante. You have amazing ideas and I have loved seeing you enjoy life at my alma mater. You are a talented actress and writer (even if you use my name as a crazy person in a piece).

On this day, we celebrate you and your awesomeness. Your ability to make people laugh and to laugh with people through an episode of the Office. The ability to become addicted with us (we know you are) to the show that we were so stubborn about.

Your awesomeness spills out of you like “angel-hair pasta” and I can only hope that one day you meet someone with hair like Hurley. We love you, KrisTYNE! Happy Birthday!!!

Spring is in the Air...

If you know anything about me, you know I am a messy, cluttered person. My condo is typically in shambles unless I am suddenly spurred on to clean it (usually when company is on its way over). I want to know how to get everything organized and help to KEEP it that way. With only two of us living there, it shouldn’t be a problem, but for some reason, it usually is! Any helpful tips for keeping your home straightened and organized?


On another note, Jim and I have also considered the possibility of renovating some aspects of our condo. Does anyone out there have any handy tips OR do you have any skills you could lend us when it comes time to do a project?


Jim and I are garagesaleaholics. Please let me know if you are interested in going with us – we go often.

Blogspot: Current Events Edition

I have always been interested in discussing the news. I thought I’d start by listing a few news pieces and then allowing comments on whatever issue strikes your fancy. If it seems popular, I’ll push it into its own blog for further discussion.

1. Pregnant Man. If you need more information, check the internet – although it basically speaks for itself.

2. Yesterday in the Sun-Times, I read that a man (about ten years ago) received a heart transplant from someone who had killed himself. About five years ago, that man married the heart donor’s widow! Most recently, this man (the donee) killed himself in his backyard. Eerie!

3. Anything and everything having to do with the polygamy compound.

4. Any and everything about the upcoming 2008 election: ranging from candidates to issues to favorites.

Let’s go to town people. I want to hear about your thoughts on these issues.

A rabbi, a nun, and a priest...

all walked into a bar, but Samantha didn't. She PASSED it!!! w00t, w00t!

If you didn't already know, I passed the Bar Exam for attorneys. I move on to a Character and Fitness Interview-type setting and then see where I go from there. I should be getting sworn-in sometime in May, so I'm very excited about that.

Last night to celebrate, my boss took the entire office (including Jim) out for dinner at a local restaurant. He spared no expense - ordering dinner, appetizers and gasp! even champagne! Jim and I played a Wii free throw challenge in honor of the NCAA tourney - I won a sweatband and Jim won a sweat towel - unfortunately, Jim beat me...badly...in the game. I felt so honored that my boss thought of me (even on the spur of the moment) and am truly happy that I am able to work in such a great office!!

More on the pregnant man later...

Pregnant Man?

For those of you who may not have heard, a pregnant “man” was recently on Oprah. I don’t have time to post terribly long on this issue, but trust me - a much longer post is coming. If you haven’t had the opportunity to dive into this story, take a moment to check it out online. I have a few main points and then I’d like to hear your opinion on the whole thing.

1. This person is not a man. Yes, they have physically manipulated their physical body and hormonal make-up to reflect that of a man, but on the inside, he is definitely a woman.

2. He was born biologically a woman and arguably, after his “changes,” he is now a hermaphrodite, not a full-fledged man.

3. If I look at my computer and call it a phone, it does not make my computer a phone – even if I modify it to look like one.

All for now. What do you think?

Life Goes By...

It has been a while since I have blogged. I have not purposely been away, but with my new job – I find myself very busy. Not to mention the fact that a certain Aldo has now forced Jim and I to watch Lost, we have little time in the day for else. In short, I thought I’d catch you up on my life in the past month. Ready, here it goes:

1. I started a new job at a law firm about 4 minutes from our condo. I love it, love the people and am celebrating my one month anniversary today.
2. My precious niece, Kaeli, turned 8 in March and I can hardly believe that time has gone so quickly with her. Piggy-backed on that, Jim and I have now been together for 8 years – time flies when you’re having fun (choke, cough, gasp).
3. Jim and I went to Pennsylvania this past weekend for Todd and Alisha’s wedding, which was a blast and a TON of driving (Thanks, Jim!) We stayed at a quaint B&B, met a couple from New Yawk, and had fun getting lost in downtown Lancaster.
4. My house is still a mess – I have done nothing to improve this.
5. Jim and I got “taken” for a ride by some friends of ours – we’re more than happy to share this privately.
6. We have imagined what it will be like in a few months to begin planning and changing things in our home – now all we need is this “money-thing” everyone keeps talking about.
7. We enjoyed 2 St. Patrick’s Day parties, 2 Easter celebrations, 1 babysitting session with my favorite Sam, a joint birthday party for Marisa and Bill, and a few mental breakdowns in between.

As we embark on April, I am excited for what the future holds, frustrated at the way life seems to keep moving and yet stands still at the same time, and hungry for something more. My hope is that for all these March/April showers, the end of April and May will bring new flowers.